Q: You're blog is great! so I'm 17 and it's impossible for me to get on birth control and I'm not comfortable relying on a condom alone...I'm recently single and I have a friend with benefits. My two questions are: a) If we had sex, say, twice a month, are there any negative/harmful side effects to using the plan B each time? b) I'm terrified that I've become emotionally involved with my friend..how do I deal if I find out he doesn't really care for me?-asked by tapetumlucidumm
I am not sure why it is impossible for you to get on birth control.
They’re plenty of Planned Parenthoods and other free clinics for 17 year old girls like you around the nation that will supply you with FREE birth control. I highly recommend that you get on some type of regular birth control.
As for using the morning after pill (Plan B) as a substitution for contraceptive. DO NOT. emergency contraceptive should be only used for just that, emergencies, and NOT as a regular interval birth control method. Seriously, don’t use emergency contrastive regularly.
You most likely have become emotionally attached to this guy, you need to express to him that you have feelings for him and you would like more out of the “relationship”. I understand the conversation can be difficult, but the longer you keep up the charades the worse it will end up.
For your own emotional well being tell this guy how you feel.Feb292012
1. Browse the local farmers’ market.
2. Go on a picnic. All you need is a blanket, fruit, sausage, cheese, crackers and water.
3. Fly a kite.
4. Enjoy a romantic home-cooked meal.
5. Cook dinner together.
6. Go apple picking.
7. Give a massage.
8. Go to the beach.
9. Attend an open-air festival.
10. See an art-house movie matinee.
11. Build a snowman.
12. Have a barbecue.
13. Share a sundae.
14. Attend an art gallery.
15. Take a hike.
16. Go to a book signing.
17. Go for a bike ride.
18. Play miniature golf.
19. Attend a wine tasting.
20. Go fishing.
21. Go sledding (with a thermos of hot cider or cocoa).
22. Visit the zoo.
23. Rent a movie.
24. Pick up movie at your local library.
25. Drive go-carts.
26. Go window-shopping.
27. Invite friends over for board games.
28. Do a Google search for free things to do in your city.
29. Eat out with a gift certificate from Restaurant.com.
30. Drive through the country (especially good around Fall).
31. Play at a playground (swings and teeter-totters are fun!)
32. Attend a planetarium show.
33. Browse antique shops.
34. Go to an open mic night at a coffee shop or bookstore.
35. Volunteer at a favorite charity.
36. Attend a high school sporting event.
37. Watch Shakespeare in the Park.
38. Have an indoor picnic.
39. Star gaze (Orion is an easy constellation to spot).
40. Take a pottery class together.
41. Go bowling.
42. Play pool.
43. Go to the local community pool.
44. Feed the ducks at a local pond.
45. Go ice skating.
46. Go roller skating.
47. Play laser tag.
48. Play frisbee.
49. Go kayaking or canoeing.
50. Skip rocks at a lake.
51. Watch a meteor shower (here’s when they happen).
52. Attend a local high school, community college or university play or musical.
53. Go camping.
54. Play basketball together.
55. Visit a botanical garden.
56. Go spelunking (but be careful!)
57. Get a cup of coffee together (hopefully at a spot that offers free refills).
58. Take a factory tour. Breweries that offer free samples are especially fun.
59. Take dance lessons at a local community center.
60. Visit local historic landmarks.
61. Put together a puzzle.
62. Carve pumpkins (around Halloween).
63. Go strawberry picking.
64. Attend a flea market or swapmeet.
65. Check out yard sales.
66. Assemble a model airplane then fly it in a park.
67. Go out for brunch (cheaper than dinner).
1. Don’t have sex on the first date, but be prepared to jump into bed on the third.
A better rule: “Let the connection between the two of you develop, and allow sex to happen organically,” says Dr. Lewandowski, whether that takes a week, a month or more. If he’s expecting you to move faster, ditch the pressure—and possibly him. On the other hand, if you’ve been waiting and he’s not quite there yet, it may be time to move on, since the two of you aren’t quite in sync. The point is that rules don’t help you figure out the right time to have sex––your own feelings and instincts do, says Dr. Lewandowski.
2. A woman should never ask a man out.
A better rule: If you’ve met a guy at a party and are having a great chat, there’s no reason you can’t say something like, “I’d love to keep this conversation going. Can we get together for coffee or a drink?” To summon the courage, remember two things: One, a guy who might be scared off by your “forwardness” isn’t worth your time anyway. And two, “men are as afraid of rejection as you are,” says Dr. Lyon. “A guy who’s interested will be relieved that the burden’s not on him this time.”
3. Never talk about your ex-boyfriend or -husband on a date.
A better rule: “Think of talking about a past relationship as a way to communicate what you want out of a new relationship,” says Dr. Lyon. Just save certain insights––such as how you learned that you prefer a man who loves his family, which your ex did not––for when you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level.
4. Always avoid touchy subjects like religion and politics.
A better rule: Though you don’t need to demand to know on date number two how he voted in the last presidential election, “you do eventually want to know these vital things about a potential partner,” says Dr. Lewandowski. “You might as well get things out of the way that could be deal breakers down the line.” Plus, if you find out that your views are aligned—or even if they clash in just the right way—you’ve got some spirited and interesting conversations ahead.
5. If you’re divorced, wait one month for each year you were married before dating.
A better rule: Spend time figuring out what you want and then decide when you’re ready—either for casual dating or a new relationship. “You have to let go of the old relationship, and when that will happen is not the same for everyone,” says Dr. Lyon.
6. The guy should always pay.
A better rule: Forget the “always” or “never” rules about paying, says Dr. Lyon. “Who pays will depend on your generation or who did the asking out,” or just your impulse at the time the check comes. Try not to make a big deal out of it either way. Better yet, be upfront when you go out: “This one’s on me” always sounds good. In the case of a check tussle, use it as an opportunity to have a laugh, and go dutch.
7. If you don’t feel an immediate sexual spark, forget it.
A better rule: “Sexual chemistry is important, but you may not feel it initially,” says Dr. Lewandowski. “It can develop after you’ve known someone for a while.” That said, adds Dr. Lyon, “there has to at least be an ember!” If you’re truly not feeling it, it’s better to let things go gently now rather than hang around waiting and hoping for a match to flare.
8. Don’t reveal your desire for children, a new career or any other life goal.
A better rule: Sure, early on you don’t want to blurt out, “If you don’t want kids, tell me now.” But at the same time, you shouldn’t deny your own basic needs, wants or ambitions, says Dr. Lewandowski. Don’t be afraid of revealing that you’re in the market for a long-term serious relationship and potential father for your children, or that you plan to go back to law school or move to Africa. “Anyone who is scared away by your revelations is someone you want to send packing,” says Dr. Lyon.
Don’t put her on a pedestal. She’s human, just like me and you. Try not to get too invested too fast.
Do clean up your act around her. Think of showing her the best you. Stay relatively sober, dress to impress, and listen.
Don’t overwhelm her with lavish gifts, too many compliments (a few genuine ones are great), or free favors.
Do provide support when she truly needs it. If she’s got a flat tire or just lost her job, it’s good to cheer her up when she’s down.
Don’t be too clingy. Constantly asking her where she is, what she’s doing, and who she’s with will only annoy her.
Do give her space and do your own thing. Having an active social life is attractive and helps keep you out of your own head.
Don’t let her use you as just a shoulder to cry on. Make sure she’s talking to you for the right reasons and not because she needs to vent to someone.
Do stand up for yourself and have your own opinions. A girl who likes you will want to hear your thoughts.
Don’t make a grand declaration of your feelings. It builds things up and places unnecessary pressure on her.
Do demonstrate your interest in ways like teasing, using fun innuendos, and playful touching.
Don’t dwell on past relationships and don’t let her either. You’ve got to move on to start something new in a healthy way.
Do have exciting and engaging conversation. Talk about your passions, recount funny stories, and focus on things in common.
And most importantly…
Don’t treat her like one of the guys. Remember that even if she is a laid-back girl, she’s still a girl.
Do touch her and touch her often. Physical contact is the number one way to create sexual chemistry and show you want to be more than just friends.
Q: i need advice but i don't want to come off anon or anything so will you text me please or call 1-203-***-****-asked by Anonymous
I’m sorry I would consider calling or texting you if you were NOT anonymous, but I wouldn’t call or text someone that is anonymous.
You can get me on Skype
6.) The Park
The park is a great place to do a little walk and talk on a nice day. Having a catch is a fun ice-breaker, so if you have a Frisbee, bring it along. And if you own a dog, there’s no question; the park should always be where you go on that first date. Serious puppy points.
5.) Coffee Shop
This is a good place to relax and get to know each other over a cup of something nice and hot. If you’re in the type of coffee place that has comfy seating, try to sit next to each other rather than across. It will feel much less like a job interview, and more like two friends hanging out. Also, it’ll be more apparent how much she’s into you from this vantage point.
4.) Cook Dinner
When I say “cook,” I don’t mean re-heat, add water to or “shake ‘n bake.” I mean make a meal. You don’t have to go crazy and make 20 different tapas, but I’d recommend having one main dish with a side, if necessary, and a dessert (which you can just buy if you’d prefer). Get everything prepped, but don’t start cooking until she gets there, because then you can give her a little show while she sips on some wine. I’d recommend that this be a second or third date, not the first.
Yes, you can still go out to a restaurant and keep it within your budget without having to resort to Denny’s. (Let’s be honest, the only first date you have at Denny’s occurs after 2 a.m. with a blood alcohol content that could only be offset by the sheer amount of saturated fat in their food.) Choose a restaurant with a “bring your own bottle” policy and pick up some wine before dinner. Another choice is going for a good price fixed menu (or prix fixe if you’re feeling especially pretentious) that usually provides about three courses for $25.
2.) Ice Cream
Going out for ice cream is a pretty old-fashioned date choice, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be appreciated. Women are being taken out for dinner pretty often, so when they’re presented with a date that will be fun, casual, and different, it’s a welcome break.
1.) Mini Golf
Mini golf is a fun way to chat and play a game at the same time. It also provides a solid hour or two of entertainment. Most mini golf places have batting cages or a place to buy snacks as well, so if you feel the date is about to end prematurely, keep it going with another fun activity.Feb262012
1. Never initiating sex
This is probably the most common mistake women make. Don’t rely on your partner to get things started every time. “When you initiate sex, it shows him that sex with him is a priority in your relationship,” says Lou Paget, author of 365 Days of Sensational Sex. “It also shows him that you relish sex for sex’s sake.” Men find this show of power sexy, and they get totally turned on by the simple fact that you want them sexually.
2. Being unresponsive in bed
Let your partner know that you’re having a great time. “Most important, let yourself go during sex,” says Sari Locker, author of Mindblowing Sex in the Real World.
Watching and hearing you get turned on makes him turned on, so go ahead and let it show. “Don’t be afraid of what sounds and words might come out of your mouth. It’s only natural and quite normal to express yourself when something feels so amazing,” adds Locker.
3. Forgetting his nipples
The nipples hold a concentration of nerve endings and are usually regarded as more erogenous in females. Which is why many women overlook men’s nipples as an erogenous zone. But nipples can be his thing, too.
“Many men have very sensitive nipples. Regardless of how sensitive they are, some men enjoy having them stimulated,” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, author of Touch Me There! Try sucking gently on the nipples, using your tongue to increase stimulation, and alternate kissing and licking the areola.
4. Making him responsible for your orgasms
“It is important for women to know that they are in charge of their own orgasm,” explains Barry R. Komisaruk, co-author of The Science of Orgasm. Because ultimately, you’re responsible for your own pleasure and satisfaction.
Don’t expect your partner to be a mind reader, start focusing on communication: Give him feedback, tell him what turns you on and how you like to be touched. If you’re uncomfortable talking about it, you can guide his hand with yours.
5. Limiting sex to the bedroom
Why restrict your lovemaking session to the bed or the bedroom? Surprise him with sex in an unexpected place.
“Men love the combination of two things: A sense of adventure, and when their women are spontaneously overcome with erotic passion,” says Lou Paget, author of 365 Days of Sensational Sex. So don’t overlook countertops, stairwells or even the balcony. By exploring new, naughty places for a nooky, you’ll be making some very steamy memories of your own.
• The ears.
What woman woman doesn’t want sweet nothings whispered into her ears. However, if that message is something on the lines “Can you wash my gym shorts tonight?” caressing the ears will not be a prelude to further sexual enjoyment.
• Nape of the neck.
The neck is a good place to lift the hair and begin a sensual massage. Blowing on the neck is often erogenous.
• The wrists.
One of the more interesting places to start foreplay is the wrists, often neglected in lovemaking.
Mild spanking and manipulation of the buttocks is a turn-on for many women. Anal penetration, on the other hand, can be an entirely different matter. Psychological studies have found that the less assertive a woman is, the more likely she is to experience pain when receiving anal intercourse.
• The inner thighs.
Nerves for the legs traverse the inner thighs, making them sensitive to caressing, nibbling, and kissing. Biting the inner legs, however, is especially painful for the woman and likely would also be quickly painful for her partner.
• Behind the knees.
Nerves for the lower legs come together behind the knees, making them very sensitive to stroking and mild heat.
• The feet.
Many people have ticklish feet. Using just enough sensation—not so much as to induce fits of laughter—can enhance a woman’s sensual mood.
1. Not returning sexual favors
Women often complain about men who gladly accept oral pleasuring, but never return the favor. Being a selfish lover can be an intimacy killer because one partner cannot be expected to continually please the other while not being pleasured themselves. Although you may get incredible sexual gratification from your lover’s abilities, just remember that she needs some attention too.
2. Insufficient foreplay
At one time or another, we’ve all experienced a moment so passionate that wasting time on foreplay was unthinkable; however, getting caught up in the heat of the moment is quite different from pouncing on her out of nowhere, and cutting straight to the chase on a regular basis. The thing that makes sex incredible for a woman is anticipation and being sexually teased, and insufficient foreplay can undermine the entire act of sex. Take your time and master the art of foreplay in order to drive your woman wild.
3. Being silent and emotionless
Women want and NEED strong emotional experiences in bed. Men generally believe that remaining silent during the sex is a better option than speaking out what they desire, but if you are not talking during lovemaking and creating a strong emotional experience for her, she can’t be totally fulfilled. Something as simple as a little moan, or even saying something like, “That feels so good,” will encourage her.
4. Assuming she’s satisfied
Concentrating solely on your own sexual gratification is likely to leave your lover feeling underwhelmed or unsatisfied once you finish. Just because you got off, that doesn’t mean that she’s satisfied. Remember, a good lover makes the effort to make sure his partner is satisfied before he is.
5. Lack of grooming
When you’re in the throes of passion, having your beard stubble brushing back and forth across her body isn’t so sexy. If there’s one thing that turns women off, it’s a lover whose personal hygiene isn’t up to par. Keeping yourself clean and properly groomed- especially in the more intimate corners of your anatomy - is not just a matter of courtesy, it’s a ticket back to the bedroom.
6. Not lasting long enough
This mistake is well known and very simple, but no list of mistakes in the bedroom would be complete without it. You need to have good penile control to ensure that you can ejaculate at an appropriate time. If you can’t control yourself and end up letting go too soon, spend a lot more time on foreplay. Although it is a debatable topic, most women will be happy if you can last at least 20 minutes.
7. Ignoring her erogenous zones
Most women have more erogenous areas than simply her breasts, nipples, and genitals. Take the time to learn your lover’s other “hot” zones, particularly her neck, shoulders, back, buttocks and feet. Focus on her entire body. It will turn her on more and, in turn, increase the chances of her pleasuring you back.
8. Forcing sexual fantasies
Men often commit the mistake of not respecting a woman’s comfort zone, and simply expect women to do just about everything in bed to please them. Most women have an adventurous side and are willing to try new things in bed once they trust their lover enough. But, if you ever want her to reach that point with you, the last thing you should do is impose your sexual desires and fantasies upon her too soon into the relationship. Remember—real sex is not like sex in adult films, so always try to introduce new positions and reveal fantasies slowly but surely.
9. Thinking what works for one woman works for them all
Men often make assumptions about what a woman’s wants based upon what they’ve done with other women; however, there is a great deal of variation between what different women like in the bedroom as well as their own differing levels of experience and confidence. If you have trouble reading your girlfriend’s responses, there is no harm in asking her directly what she likes. Even if you feel that you do know what will keep her satisfied in bed, constantly giving her a variety of sexual experiences is the fastest way to a varied and fulfilling sex-life.
10. Not kissing her enough
Believe it or not, many men don’t kiss the woman they’re with when they’re having sex — and that’s one of the biggest mistakes to avoid in bed. Women love being kissed because it makes them feel soft, sexy, beautiful and adds the romance that they crave.
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