Q: I lost my virginity two nights ago, with a guy I've been dating for three years now, and don't get me wrong I don't regret losing it to him, he really is the sweetest and best thing to ever happen to me but now I wish I hadn't. And I can't take back what I've done, I know that. I am legal and protection was used. I just don't know what to do and how to deal with it. I am Muslim and I hope you don't judge me for it. I just feel like you would understand. Any personal experience/ advice? Help ):
-asked by Anonymous
This is a normal feeling. You just experience something new for the first time. Society makes you feel that losing your virginity is important and if you lose it to the wrong person your life will be ruined forever. Give it time and you’ll come to terms with it and you will be happy that it was him.
And if not, that is okay too. Again you are experiencing normal feelings, everything will be fine. I promise.
Me and my boyfriend have never had intercourse (I’m still a virgin), but we do mutually masturbate each other regularly. Normally it is fun for the both of us and virtually worry free. He always fingers me (my pants and panties are pulled up - he puts his hands inside my pants to finger me) first, and after I climax, he pulls down his pants and I give him a hand job. When he does finally ejaculate, he does it NO WHERE near my vagina. In fact, when it happens, I have my pants on, and he always sticks his penis back into his pants to avoid a mess. Like I said, usually it’s a no biggie situation, and a situation that is darn near impossible to result in pregnancy. However, the other night, something different went down. I wasn’t particularly worried at the time, but as time has passed (Two weeks today), I’ve been having all these thoughts and second guessing things, which has led me to being CONSTANTLY stressed and worried for the past week that I am pregnant.
The last time we did this, he had his hands down my pants and was fingering me as usual… Things were going great. However, I noticed that about 3 times, he took his hands out of my pants and touched his penis, then immediately began to finger me again. At first, I thought that he was touching his penis over his pants… However, after, I realized that his penis was out, and that he was most likely touching his bare penis and then fingering me. I know that he produces pre-cum. I guess I’m worried that some pre-cum was transferred from his fingers to my vagina. I’m almost 100% sure that he urinated before all of this happened… and that would have flushed any leftover sperm from his last ejaculation out. So, most likely there wasn’t even any sperm at all in his pre-cum. At this point, he had not ejaculated at all. And, I don’t even know if there was pre-cum, but he had an erection, so I’m sure there was.
I’ve been told that there really isn’t too much of a pregnancy risk from what had happened. And that most likely, even though he was fingering me directly after touching his penis, most of the pre-cum would have been wiped on the inside of my pants, therefore making it even less likely that I would have had a risk bc sperm are so delicate.
The only problem is I am late for my period. I mean, I’m not super regular. Sometimes it comes a little early, and sometimes it’s a little late. But, I’m now on day 34 of my cycle, and I am FREAKING OUT! Literally, all I have been thinking about is this and I am stressed beyond belief. And, I’m not really having any symptoms that would suggest that my period is coming. I have noticed a slightly yellow tinged discharge dried in my panties… and my lower back has been hurting and my nipples looks slightly darker. But, for all I know, the discharge is just normal, everyday discharge and the lower back pain could be from having a job that requires me to stand up for hours at a time or something equally strenuous on my back. And I think right now, the stress is causing me to be hyper aware of my body. Like, my nipples were probably always this color, and I’ve never even noticed.
Anyways… I’m just scared. I’ve never had to deal with a pregnancy scare before. :( Do you guys have any advice or something that could ease my mind? Thanks in advance for any help you can offer.
I understand you are worried about becoming pregnant, but the simple answer is you are not.
Urinating before sex will not clear out his penis of pre-cum, a erection does not mean he is producing pre-cum.
I can assure you that you are not pregnant. Sperm can not survive very long outside of the human body temperature range.
There is a condition called “hysterical pregnancy” when a woman might want to be pregnant but whose body is just mimicking the condition. Sometimes this happens when menopause occurs. You are most likely experiencing this.
If you are still worried you can always get tested.
Q: So, My past experiences with oral pleasure have been- well not that pleasurable. The first time it was relatively good my legs and body started shaking, and I got really embarrassed. My fiance wants to give me oral pleasure since I love giving him head, but I am really embarrassed about the leg shaky thing. Do you have any advice on how to get over this fear of oral since I am embarrassed? I want to work on it, and we are trying slowly but I always stop him because I cant do it. :/
-asked by Anonymous
It’s not unusual at all. It happens to guys too. It’s pretty understandable when you think about it. People’s legs shake whenever they’re nervous or excited, and what’s more exciting than sex? You don’t know if you’re going to enjoy it or not. You don’t know if your partner is going to enjoy it or not. You might be worried about pregnancy (I hope you used protection.) or a whole host of relationship questions, so anyone who isn’t both nervous and excited under those circumstances would be the one with the real problem, right?
And when your legs start shaking, that just makes you more apprehensive, and your nervousness just feeds on itself. So if it happens again, just remember that there’s nothing wrong with you, and try to focus on the reason why your legs are shaking: you’re having sex!
Q: Hiii. I'm 15 soon to be 16 and I'm a girl.. Im dating this guy and I really want to have sex with him but he thinks I've had sex but I'm a virgin. Any advice on what to do when it happens?
-asked by Anonymous
1. Safety first. There’s no such thing as totally safe sex, but you sure can be safer. Make sure he’s wearing a condom (even if you’re on the Pill) and talk about your respective sexual histories. I know it may sound like a buzz-kill, but heterosexual women have a higher risk of contracting an STI (sexually transmitted infection) than men, so it’s up to you to take a proactive interest in your sexual health.
2. Don’t have too-high expectations. Sex generally improves as you get to know someone and become more comfortable with each other’s bodies. So don’t feel pressured to make it the best night ever, because this is just the first of many.
3. Breathe. First-time sex can be tense and nerve-wracking, not to mention painful sometimes. Taking long, deep breaths can help you relax and let go.
4. Don’t forget to enjoy foreplay. All the stuff that leads up to intercourse — kissing, touching, oral sex — is part of the sexual experience; it’s not just about penetration.
5. Make sure you’re amply aroused before intercourse. Not only do you want to be genuinely turned on, you want to be sufficiently lubricated. If you’re too dry, he’ll have trouble entering you, you’ll feel discomfort, and the friction can cause the condom to rip. So, keep water–based lube on hand just in case.
6. Speak up. Let him know what feels good, and what doesn’t. Guys crave feedback, so don’t be shy about clueing him in.
7. Don’t assume he’s the expert. He may be getting a lot of his information about sex from porn and the tall tales of his buddies in the locker room. And, even if he is experienced, every sexual encounter is unique. He’s just as worried about pleasing you as you are about getting him off.
8. Don’t expect to have an orgasm. Of course, it’s great if you do. But, most women don’t climax the first few times with a new guy. Orgasms come with a sense of comfort and specific knowledge of each other’s bodies, and that takes time.
9. Don’t fake it. If you do, you’ll only be cheating yourself. Letting him know you came close and want to get there with him will keep him motivated.
10. His penis may malfunction. Guys get anxious too. Premature ejaculation and erectile difficulty are common the first time a man sleeps with someone. If he has a problem, don’t make a big deal out of it or worry that there’s something wrong with you or your connection. More than likely, it will work itself out.
Q: I'm twenty one, I have a daughter, I'm a male, I'm a very physically fit person, but I realize that despite anything confidence is key, and faking confidence is impossible for a person who has difficulty faking and lying. Its hard to find a balance in between too outgoing or too shy, I'm a good person I feel, I read a lot, I'm a musician, and I've never had much luck with women, I just want to know how do I not come off an oddball and not get nervous everytime I see a pretty smile?
-asked by Anonymous
This is not an easy question to answer, I do not know very much about you to give you a solid answer. This is a vague enough answer I can give, I hope you understand.
The more you surround yourself with women, the easier it will be to talk to a “pretty smile”. You can incorporate your shy and oddball personality into the conversation and not ignore your true self. Having a child can make is a good way to balance life. You have a child and you know you can not always have fun.
INFOGRAPHIC: Why It’s Good To Be Single
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INFOGRAPHIC: Five Worst Places to Hit On Someone
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Q: ah, thank you so much, this is the girl with the pregers scare.
-asked by Anonymous
Q: You're blog is great! so I'm 17 and it's impossible for me to get on birth control and I'm not comfortable relying on a condom alone...I'm recently single and I have a friend with benefits. My two questions are: a) If we had sex, say, twice a month, are there any negative/harmful side effects to using the plan B each time? b) I'm terrified that I've become emotionally involved with my friend..how do I deal if I find out he doesn't really care for me?
I am not sure why it is impossible for you to get on birth control.
They’re plenty of Planned Parenthoods and other free clinics for 17 year old girls like you around the nation that will supply you with FREE birth control. I highly recommend that you get on some type of regular birth control.
As for using the morning after pill (Plan B) as a substitution for contraceptive. DO NOT. emergency contraceptive should be only used for just that, emergencies, and NOT as a regular interval birth control method. Seriously, don’t use emergency contrastive regularly.
You most likely have become emotionally attached to this guy, you need to express to him that you have feelings for him and you would like more out of the “relationship”. I understand the conversation can be difficult, but the longer you keep up the charades the worse it will end up.
For your own emotional well being tell this guy how you feel.
1. Browse the local farmers’ market.
2. Go on a picnic. All you need is a blanket, fruit, sausage, cheese, crackers and water.
3. Fly a kite.
4. Enjoy a romantic home-cooked meal.
5. Cook dinner together.
6. Go apple picking.
7. Give a massage.
8. Go to the beach.
9. Attend an open-air festival.
10. See an art-house movie matinee.
11. Build a snowman.
12. Have a barbecue.
13. Share a sundae.
14. Attend an art gallery.
15. Take a hike.
16. Go to a book signing.
17. Go for a bike ride.
18. Play miniature golf.
19. Attend a wine tasting.
20. Go fishing.
21. Go sledding (with a thermos of hot cider or cocoa).
22. Visit the zoo.
23. Rent a movie.
24. Pick up movie at your local library.
25. Drive go-carts.
26. Go window-shopping.
27. Invite friends over for board games.
28. Do a Google search for free things to do in your city.
29. Eat out with a gift certificate from Restaurant.com.
30. Drive through the country (especially good around Fall).
31. Play at a playground (swings and teeter-totters are fun!)
32. Attend a planetarium show.
33. Browse antique shops.
34. Go to an open mic night at a coffee shop or bookstore.
35. Volunteer at a favorite charity.
36. Attend a high school sporting event.
37. Watch Shakespeare in the Park.
38. Have an indoor picnic.
39. Star gaze (Orion is an easy constellation to spot).
40. Take a pottery class together.
41. Go bowling.
42. Play pool.
43. Go to the local community pool.
44. Feed the ducks at a local pond.
45. Go ice skating.
46. Go roller skating.
47. Play laser tag.
48. Play frisbee.
49. Go kayaking or canoeing.
50. Skip rocks at a lake.
51. Watch a meteor shower (here’s when they happen).
52. Attend a local high school, community college or university play or musical.
53. Go camping.
54. Play basketball together.
55. Visit a botanical garden.
56. Go spelunking (but be careful!)
57. Get a cup of coffee together (hopefully at a spot that offers free refills).
58. Take a factory tour. Breweries that offer free samples are especially fun.
59. Take dance lessons at a local community center.
60. Visit local historic landmarks.
61. Put together a puzzle.
62. Carve pumpkins (around Halloween).
63. Go strawberry picking.
64. Attend a flea market or swapmeet.
65. Check out yard sales.
66. Assemble a model airplane then fly it in a park.
67. Go out for brunch (cheaper than dinner).
INFOGRAPHIC: Signs You’re Falling In Love
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1. Don’t have sex on the first date, but be prepared to jump into bed on the third.
A better rule: “Let the connection between the two of you develop, and allow sex to happen organically,” says Dr. Lewandowski, whether that takes a week, a month or more. If he’s expecting you to move faster, ditch the pressure—and possibly him. On the other hand, if you’ve been waiting and he’s not quite there yet, it may be time to move on, since the two of you aren’t quite in sync. The point is that rules don’t help you figure out the right time to have sex––your own feelings and instincts do, says Dr. Lewandowski.
2. A woman should never ask a man out.
A better rule: If you’ve met a guy at a party and are having a great chat, there’s no reason you can’t say something like, “I’d love to keep this conversation going. Can we get together for coffee or a drink?” To summon the courage, remember two things: One, a guy who might be scared off by your “forwardness” isn’t worth your time anyway. And two, “men are as afraid of rejection as you are,” says Dr. Lyon. “A guy who’s interested will be relieved that the burden’s not on him this time.”
3. Never talk about your ex-boyfriend or -husband on a date.
A better rule: “Think of talking about a past relationship as a way to communicate what you want out of a new relationship,” says Dr. Lyon. Just save certain insights––such as how you learned that you prefer a man who loves his family, which your ex did not––for when you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level.
4. Always avoid touchy subjects like religion and politics.
A better rule: Though you don’t need to demand to know on date number two how he voted in the last presidential election, “you do eventually want to know these vital things about a potential partner,” says Dr. Lewandowski. “You might as well get things out of the way that could be deal breakers down the line.” Plus, if you find out that your views are aligned—or even if they clash in just the right way—you’ve got some spirited and interesting conversations ahead.
5. If you’re divorced, wait one month for each year you were married before dating.
A better rule: Spend time figuring out what you want and then decide when you’re ready—either for casual dating or a new relationship. “You have to let go of the old relationship, and when that will happen is not the same for everyone,” says Dr. Lyon.
6. The guy should always pay.
A better rule: Forget the “always” or “never” rules about paying, says Dr. Lyon. “Who pays will depend on your generation or who did the asking out,” or just your impulse at the time the check comes. Try not to make a big deal out of it either way. Better yet, be upfront when you go out: “This one’s on me” always sounds good. In the case of a check tussle, use it as an opportunity to have a laugh, and go dutch.
7. If you don’t feel an immediate sexual spark, forget it.
A better rule: “Sexual chemistry is important, but you may not feel it initially,” says Dr. Lewandowski. “It can develop after you’ve known someone for a while.” That said, adds Dr. Lyon, “there has to at least be an ember!” If you’re truly not feeling it, it’s better to let things go gently now rather than hang around waiting and hoping for a match to flare.
8. Don’t reveal your desire for children, a new career or any other life goal.
A better rule: Sure, early on you don’t want to blurt out, “If you don’t want kids, tell me now.” But at the same time, you shouldn’t deny your own basic needs, wants or ambitions, says Dr. Lewandowski. Don’t be afraid of revealing that you’re in the market for a long-term serious relationship and potential father for your children, or that you plan to go back to law school or move to Africa. “Anyone who is scared away by your revelations is someone you want to send packing,” says Dr. Lyon.
INFOGRAPHIC: Top Reasons to Turn Down a First Date
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